CONSIDERING ENDING A RELATIONSHIP?

If you decide you no longer wish to live together there are a number of ways you can end the relationship. Before making a decision you will need to consider the following:

• The type of relationship - whether you are married or cohabiting, heterosexual, lesbian or gay. This will affect what legal options are available.
• Whether or not there has been violence and whether there is a need for emergency action, for example, a court order for an injunction.
• Whether a short-term solution is required immediately.
• Whether you or your partner needs to leave temporarily to think about what to do.
• Whether you are able to discuss the issues and reach an agreement.
• Who the children (if any) will live with; how this will affect the choice of whether or not to leave, whether there will be any conflict over who cares for the children.
• Whether you have any money to live on if your partner leaves home.
• Where either of you will live after the relationship ends and whether it is necessary to obtain the help of the courts.
• How family and friends will react if you separate and whether they will give you any support.
• Whether there are any specific religious or cultural considerations.

PRACTICAL MATTERS TO SORT OUT

If you decide you want to end the relationship a decision will usually have to be made about who leaves the home. One of you may want to leave temporarily to think about what to do or may decide to leave permanently. You will need to know where you can go, how to get there, who will be able to help and what to take.

There are practical and legal consequences to ending a relationship. It may be appropriate to see a solicitor for legal help and you may also want counselling, for example, marriage guidance, support from a women's group, or mediation services. If in a violent relationship there will be additional factors you will need to consider.

CHILDREN

If you are planning to leave home you will need to consider whether you will take the children with you or who is going to care for them. You will need to consider whether you wish, in the long term, to have the children living with you. If you leave the children now, this may affect any future decision a court may make about who the children should live with. If you feel that you had no choice but to leave without the children you should ensure that you keep in regular contact with them. If this is impossible because of conflict between you and your partner, then you should try and make arrangements to see the children through friends or relatives or, if necessary, through a social services department.

The age of the children may also affect the decision over who cares for them. It is important to involve the children, where possible, in the decision. Older children may, in fact, decide for themselves where they want to live.

If the relationship is ending because one of the partners is starting a new relationship, and there are children, the position of the new partner may have to be resolved.

MONEY

If you wish to separate and are currently financially dependent on your partner, you will need to decide what you are going to live on. You should consider:-

• Which benefits, if any, you are entitled to claim as a matter of urgency - see next paragraph.
• Whether or not you can get maintenance from your partner.
• Child support for any children.
• Housing costs. You will need to consider how these will be paid.

If you have a joint bank account you will need to consider any problems that may arise over getting access to the money in the account and how it is to be shared, and you may want to consider opening your own account as a matter of urgency.

BENEFITS

Income Support (IS) or Income-based Job Seekers Allowance (JSA)

If you do not work (or work less than 16 hours a week), you may be able to claim Income Support or Income-based Job Seekers Allowance. You should put in a claim immediately the relationship ends. If you have a mortgage you should also apply for housing costs as part of any claim to IS or JSA. It may not be possible for the claim to be backdated if this is not done.

If you are a lone parent with a child under 16, you could claim Income Support or JSA. However, if you claim Job Seekers Allowance, you will have to be available for work.

If you have already been receiving Income Support or Income-based Job Seekers Allowance you should report the change of circumstances as soon as possible.

If you have children and claim Income Support or Income-based Jobseekers Allowance you will be expected to cooperate with the Child Support Agency.

Housing Costs

Housing Benefit

If a relationship ends you may be entitled to claim Housing Benefit. If you are already claiming Housing Benefit for rent you should report the change and ask for a reassessment of your entitlement as soon as possible. However, you may be asked to make a new claim.

Council Tax Benefit

When a relationship ends, either partner may be entitled to claim Council Tax Benefit to help pay Council Tax. If you are already receiving Council Tax Benefit for the household, you should report the change and may have to make a new claim. You should also do this as soon as possible.

Tax Credits

If you are receiving Working Families Tax Credit or Disabled Person's Tax Credit, payment will usually continue to the same partner regardless of the change in circumstances. You should report the change, but it will not usually affect the amount of tax credit you receive until you renew your application and a new award is made.

PROPERTY AND GIFTS

It will usually be necessary to sort out the division of the possessions, for example a car or television. If there are disputes over any property or gifts there are general principles that apply to help determine who has a right to them.

DEBTS

If you have joint liability for a debt with your partner, this will continue even if you separate, for example, joint mortgages or credit agreements.

WILLS

After a divorce any provisions benefitting a former married partner no longer have effect, unless the will states that divorce should not alter the terms of the will. Until a divorce takes place the separation does not affect the will. A new will should always be made after a divorce.

VIOLENCE

If you are in a violent relationship you will need specialist advice about action that you can take.

WHO TO INFORM ABOUT THE SEPARATION

Once you have separated you may need to inform the:-

• Landlord or rent/housing office The local authority Council Tax section
• Local authority Housing Benefit office
• Mortgage lenders, accompanied by a proposal for paying the mortgage.
• The water company
• The Land Registry. A married person whose home is owned only by the other partner can protect their rights by registering a charge or notice at the Land Registry. A cohabitant whose home is owned by the other partner may be able to protect his/her rights by registering a caution at the Land Registry
• Gas and electricity companies. Readings on meters should be taken and future responsibility for payments reallocated.
• Benefits Agency
• Tax office, if you are married or have children
• If children remain at the same school, it might be helpful to contact the teachers to let them know what has happened.
• Bank or any other financial institution, for example, a building society. If you have a joint account you can continue to use it and arrange for statements and other correspondence to be sent to both of you. However, as one of the account holders could withdraw some or all of the money in the account without the other account holder's permission, you may wish to close the account and open separate sole accounts. It may also be advisable for one of the account holders to freeze the account to prevent the other withdrawing some or all of the money
• Hire purchase or credit companies, but you should make a proposal on how the debt is to be repaid. If you require further information the CAB may be able to help.
• Insurance companies, particularly if you have a joint policy
• Telephone company, although you may incur a cost if the account name is changed
• The Post Office, if you need your mail redirecting
• Doctor, dentist or child health clinic.

PRACTICAL WAYS OF ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP DECIDING TO STAY IN THE HOME

You may want to end the relationship and to remain in the home without the other partner. Whether or not this is possible will depend on your legal rights to the home and whether or not it is possible to come to an agreement with your partner. In some circumstances (violence) you may be able to get a court order to exclude your partner from the home.

In deciding whether to stay in the home, you should consider the following points:-

• You and the children can continue your life without the upheaval of a move
• Children can continue in school and be near familiar places and people
• If you are in paid work you may find it easier to remain in the same job
• You may have family and friends nearby whom you can call on for support
• The accommodation may be tied to your partner's job
• If your partner is violent, you will be more vulnerable because your partner knows where you live
• You may want to make a new start
• The housing costs of staying in the home or the costs of alternative accommodation

DECIDING TO SEPARATE BUT LIVE IN THE SAME HOME

Some couples may wish to end their relationship but be unable to live in separate homes for financial reasons or because there is a lack of available accommodation. You could consider operating as separate households within the same house and no longer perform any services for each other, for example, cooking and cleaning. This arrangement can be a way of ensuring some independence from each other while continuing, for example, to share child care responsibilities. However, it may be difficult to prove that a separation has actually taken place. This will affect the ability to claim benefits independently, for example, Income Support. It may also be difficult to prove the separation as grounds for divorce. Making a separation agreement might be a useful way of overcoming these problems.

DECIDING TO LEAVE HOME

If you decide the leave the home you should take steps to protect your rights to go back there if you want to return. You will also need to protect your share in the value of an owner occupied home by ensuring that the partner does not sell it without you knowing. If you want to leave the home you will have to consider where to live. Possible options are, for example:-

• A friend or relative's home
• A Women's Aid refuge
• Applying as a homeless person to the local authority
• Private rented accommodation.

STAYING WITH FRIENDS OR RELATIVES

If you wish to leave home immediately, it may be possible to arrange to stay with relatives or friends very quickly. Staying with friends or relatives can often raise a number of issues which you need to consider:-

• How much you will pay towards food, heating or lighting. There could be particular problems if the friends or family are receiving Income Support, Income-based Jobseekers Allowance or Housing Benefit as their benefit may be reduced if you stay with them
• It may be difficult to know how long you will want to stay there. The uncertainty of this can create tension for all. It might be helpful for you to make this clear at the beginning so that the problems can be anticipated
• This is usually only a temporary solution because it is unlikely that there will be adequate space or privacy, particularly if the children are with you. It can be useful to sort out, for example, where to put clothes or whether the family mind if you have visitors.
• Once you are staying with family or friends the local authority may be reluctant to offer temporary or permanent accommodation.

APPLYING TO THE LOCAL AUTHORITY AS A HOMELESS PERSON

If you leave the family home you may be able to apply for longer term accommodation from the local authority as a homeless person. To qualify for housing as a homeless person, you will have to be legally homeless or threatened with homelessness (your friends have asked you to leave), in priority need, not have become homeless intentionally (you have left accommodation in which you had a right to remain), and have a local connection.

If you are offered accommodation by the local authority it may be in bed and breakfast or in short term accommodation. It may also be out of the district, making it difficult to get children to school or go to work.

If you have been threatened with violence the local authority should provide interim accommodation even if you have no children, while it investigates your circumstances.

GOING TO A REFUGE

Refuges are safe houses run by and for men/women experiencing domestic violence. To protect the safety of those who stay there, refuges keep their addresses strictly secret.

GOING TO PRIVATE RENTED ACCOMMODATION

Privately rented accommodation is really only an option if there is time to plan the departure. It can be very difficult to find, particularly with children, and is often expensive. You may need a deposit, a month's rent in advance, be able to provide references and be required to take out a fixed-term lease.

Once you are in rented accommodation you will probably not be considered homeless and may not be able to get local authority accommodation as a homeless person.

It may take a long time to get Housing Association accommodation, so it is no use as a temporary or short-term solution.

WHAT TO TAKE WHEN LEAVING HOME

If you decide to leave home temporarily or permanently it is advisable to take the following, if possible:-

• Enough money for food, fares etc. If you have no money you should be able to get help with fares from either social services or the Benefits Agency.
• The Child Benefit book if you have one
• Marriage certificate and the children's birth certificates
• Any letters from solicitors or court orders if legal action has been taken
• Passport and medical cards
• Cheque books, bank cards, building society books and any other savings books
• Any furniture that you may not be able to retrieve later or that you need immediately
• Insurance policies
• Medication

You may have to arrange for the furniture to be stored. If the local authority have a duty to provide accommodation, whether interim or longer term, they also have a duty to store furniture.

LEGAL WAYS OF ENDING A RELATIONSHIP

ENDING A CO-HABITATION

If you are cohabiting and the relationship ends, there is no need to take any legal action to formalise the separation. However, there may be issues concerning children, property and money to sort out. This can be done either informally by agreement or by making a written agreement. If you cannot agree, a court can make orders concerning who the children should live with and have contact with, and the sale of any jointly owned property. The Child Support Agency could be asked to deal with maintenance for the children.

SEPARATING INFORMALLY

A married couple can choose to separate by an informal arrangement. There is no legal requirement to notify anyone that they are no longer living together. If one partner chooses to leave against the wishes of the other they are free to do so, although certain obligations still remain, for example, the responsibility to maintain children. If there is agreement you can make arrangements over children, money, housing and other property without recourse to the courts. However, any informal arrangement made when separating may affect future decisions if there is a need to go to court. It is also possible for a court to overturn an arrangement made, for example, if the court considers the arrangement to be unreasonable or, in the case of a child, to be against that child's best interests.

Even if you do not wish to end the marriage formally you may wish to get court orders to organise arrangements for the children and maintenance.

SEPARATING WITH A SEPARATION AGREEMENT

A separation agreement is usually made between married couples but any couple can draw up an agreement as a way of resolving and confirming the arrangements made.

A separation agreement is a written statement between you and your partner setting out how you wish to resolve the issues of money, property and children. The advantage of a written agreement is that it is easier to ensure that both of you understand what has been agreed. The details of what should be contained in the agreement are up to you and your partner, although it is advisable for you to obtain legal advice as to the contents. The following are examples of common issues which are included in separation agreements:-

• An agreement to live separately
• An agreement not to molest, annoy or disturb the other partner
• An agreement to provide maintenance for the other partner
• An agreement to provide maintenance for children
• Arrangements for who the children should live with and have contact with.

It is usually advisable to consult a solicitor when drawing up an agreement, but you should work out in advance the general areas you wish to cover and what arrangements you want to make. This will reduce the legal costs. Legal help may be available under the legal help scheme subject to the usual conditions. Solicitors will advise each partner to have a separate solicitor because the proposed agreement could disadvantage either partner.

JUDICIAL SEPARATION

A judicial separation is a court order which releases the partners of a marriage from the obligation to live together, in the same way as divorce. It is comparatively rare but is usually used by couples who have a conscientious objection to divorce.

An order for a judicial separation can be obtained from the divorce county court. It can be applied for at any time after the marriage. There does not have to have been any period of separation and there is no bar for the first year of marriage as there is for divorce. A judicial separation is granted if one of the five facts which show a marriage has irretrievably broken down are proved. However, there is no need to prove irretrievable breakdown. Either partner can apply for an order for the judicial separation to be rescinded as long as both partners consent.

An order for judicial separation does not preclude a divorce later. The facts relied on to obtain the original order may be used in the divorce proceedings and do not have to be reproved.

NULLITY

• The marriage was invalid and so, in effect, never really existed. This is called a void marriage
• Certain conditions existed or have not been met during the marriage. A court can then annul these marriages. This is called a voidable marriage. If you are considering making a petition for nullity, you should consult a solicitor.

A child of a voidable marriage will be treated as the child of married parents. The mother and father will each have parental responsibility for the child.

DIVORCE

Divorce is a formal and irrevocable means of ending a marriage. It is not possible to apply for a divorce until you have been married at least one year. There are no exceptions to this rule. A divorce can be granted if the marriage has irretrievably broken down. There are five ways of proving this, known as the five facts, one of which has to be proved:-

• Adultery
• Unreasonable behaviour
• Desertion
• Two years separation with consent
• Five years separation without consent

RELIGIOUS AND CULTURAL CONSIDERATIONS

You may have a particular religion which may have direct consequences for how you consider the possibility of ending a marriage.

There are organisations and groups which provide advice, support and counselling for clients faced with marital problems.

If you are in an unsatisfactory marriage and come from abroad with entry clearance as a fiancé(e) or spouse you may find yourself in a difficult position. After the marriage, you will have been given one year's leave to remain as a spouse. This will be reviewed at the end of this first year and, if the marriage still exists and you have not had recourse to public funds, you will usually get indefinite leave (settled status).

FURTHER INFORMATION ON ALL THESE MATTERS IS AVAILABLE FROM HORSHAM & DISTRICT CAB

Leaflets and application forms for state benefits are available from: CITIZENS ADVICE BUREAU